OGDEN BOOK OF MANNERS1. Never take a beer to a job interview.2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.3. Its considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it isstill considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.DINING OUT1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with yourfingers covering the label.2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as therestaurant may not have dogs.ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared bya taxidermist.2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good hismanners are.PERSONAL HYGIENE1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job thatshould be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as theytend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste offinger foods.DATING (Outside the Family)1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the firstdate.2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've beenwanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroomwall two years ago."3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Somewill say 0:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is theanswer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school ontime.4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance,such as, "ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."WEDDINGS1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with acummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty anappearance.4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for thisspecial occasion.5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is inthe sack.DRIVING ETIQUETTE1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun isloaded, and the deer is in sight.2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largesttires always has the right of way.3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it isimpolite to ask her to bring back beer.5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially whendriving.6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER1. All the DNA is the same.2. There are no dental records
SERIOUSLY THOUGH THIS WEEKEND IS MOTHERS DAY, I FONDLY REMEMBER THE MOTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE PAULINE TIDROW,HILDRED SPILLMAN AND ALICE TIDROW. I SALUTE SUZANNE, ELIZABETH. I LOVINGLY ACKNOWLEDGE THE BIGGEST MOTHER OF THEM ALL SUASAN KAY STONE TIDROW. SHE IS NOW AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I KNOW SHAWN AND PAT WILL SPEND TIME WITH THEIR MOM. I HONOR A MOTHER FIGURE AMANDA. I ALSO NOTE THAT MIKE AND DEVIN WILL ON SATURDAY ATTEND THE MT.VERNON PROM AT THE INDIANA STATE MUSEUM. I HOPE I DIDNT FORGET ANYONE.
